A Long Time Ago I Learned that it is OK to be Selfish

Growing up, we are often taught that being selfish is bad, and we should feel guilty about feeling this way. Never believe this. It is perfectly OK to be selfish, and this article will prove it.

How People Destroyed Me for Being Selfish

Throughout the first several years of my life, I was constantly reminded by others that I didn't think of anyone but myself. People would constantly say to me, "You are so selfish!"

Back then, it was a time when children should be seen and not heard. Unfortunately, the consequences of not going along with this were very damaging. Sometimes, there were beatings, but not that often. Most of the consequences came in the form of mental abuse.

For years I was made to feel guilty for putting my own needs and desires above those of others. Whether it was my parents scolding me for not sharing my toys with my siblings or my teachers in school accusing me of being self-centered, the message was always clear - being selfish is wrong, and I am a disqusting person.

This constant criticism deeply affected me and made me question my own self-worth. I was wrong for loving myself.

In short, this turned me into a total mess! It would be accurate to say that eventually, I would have had thoughts of taking my own life.

Fortunately, I met a man who changed all of this forever. And the way he did it was by asking me one very simple question.

The Man Who Changed My Life

At the age of thirty, I decided to pursue additional graduate studies. I don't know exactly why I did this, but I had the strange feeling that something about it just seemed RIGHT! My intuition was correct, because this decision saved my life. I was accepted and attended a graduate institution in New Orleans, LA.

It didn't take long for my past to catch up with me. Interacting with other people became a nightmare. All I wanted to do was please people, because this was the way I had been taught. Unfortunately, many people resented it, and preferred that I mind my own business. Of course, this made my relationships with everyone in the institution very difficult.

It was so bad, and reached the point where the adminintration of the institution assigned me to a guidance counselor to do one thing: straighten me out.

The guidance counselor was Father Gregory Aymond, who is now Archbishop Gregory Aymond of the Archdioces of New Orleans.

How the Archbishop Helped Me

Within ten minutes, he undid all of the damage people had done to me. And the way he did it was very simple.

He said to me, "Tell me some things about your past."

I knew that he wanted to hear about the things that had gotten me to the point where I needed this special counseling, so I focused on the bad things. The first thing I said to him was, "All of my life, people have been accusing me of being selfish, and telling me what a bad person I am because of it."

Suddenly, he asked me a question that I didn't expect:

"What's wrong with being selfish?"

I thought about this, and then responded, "Actually, there's nothing wrong with it. And you are the first person who has ever asked me this."

From this point, I knew that it was all down hill. The Archbishop assured me that it is OK to be selfish. He also stressed the point: If a person doesn't love himself, he can't expect others to love him.

If a man does not put himself first, others will see it, and will not like him.

The next time I was with my parents, my Dad insulted me again for being selfish. He said to me, "I ... I ... I! That's alll you say! You are the most selfish and egotistical person in the world!" My responce was, "With all due respect, Sir, you are right. I am egotistical. I am selfish. And I like who I am. And it is not going to stop."

This was the last time anyone has ever insulted me for being selfish.

Conclusion

Always put yourself first, because no one else will. I want to tell you that it is okay to be selfish. And the next time someone tries to put you down for being selfish, just say, "You are right. I am selfish. I love who I am!" This response will put a stop to people insulting you in a heart beat.

I hope this article has helped you.

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Photo of Archbishop Aymond courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.